Whew, it's been a long time. I've been shying away from the page, scared to disclose my thoughts. I know I shouldn't be hiding. I know the way to make change happen is to face one's fears. I don't even know why I am so afraid. Is it the possibility of failure? Or do I care too much that I fear failure.
But I have recently learned that there is nothing to fear about failure, since it is just another step in the path to success. Thomas Edison failed a thousand times before getting the light bulb right. you know what they say, learn from your mistake, and you finally get it. But what is success if it is not shared. That is why, i GK. ( I know there is a gap in there that I have no time to explain...)
...Being involved in the development work takes a lot of personal energy. Well, this is what you offer to the world, your very self. Lose your self to a worthy cause so that others can and may have better opportunities...
Workers in development must be like marathoners, learning to pace themselves, so that they do not burn out. It's quite overwhelming to begin from the start and look towards the finish line, and wonder how one is going to get there... Every marathoner knows, in the long run, in the middle of the race, doubts begin to seep in and you wonder if it is worth it after all... When legs begin to shake and you lose the energy and the next lapses feel like eternity as you are about to physically give up...what do you do? Here is when you think about why you begin the race in the first place. You look back at where you have started, be grateful for the things accomplished and keep moving forward...
But I know it is easier said than done...you just grit your teeth and suck it up because the race and the work is so much more than who you are...and so you learn to keep on going because you know no matter the obstacles, external or internal (which is hardest), you must keep going because it is not about you.
How to run a race that spans 14 more years? Personally, I know I need to be free. I would love to do a variety of things and not feel trapped. My heart needs to be free to travel and to explore and to see new things, meet new people, learn more...How does one incorporate one's personal needs to that of the common good. There are necessary sacrifices, and I guess there are things to give up, a giving up of the self, with its desires in order to be able to fully there for others. How to fully embrace the work but still be true to who you are at the core?
The start and the finish constitutes a very large gap. The vision of an organisation, no matter how ambitious, is where we set our eyes on. Because no matter how big, if we keep on going at it, we will get there eventually. I believe that it is God's work and it will not falter. But how do we work around human weaknesses...we must continue to move on and learn from our mistakes and build from our strengths...The organization and the person involved must grow continuously. Because again, it is not about us. But we work using our selves, and I guess, we must also take care of our selves. How do you give what you do not have? - love, respect, wisdom...material needs are easy to give, money comes and goes...but building someone else's potential...you need to be the best you can be to help someone better themselves. One cannot build up someone from a place of weakness...And so we too must grow.
Sometimes, it can get frustrating and overwhelming when we realise the things that still need to be done, for they are many, and maybe it will take our lifetime and then some...And sometimes what we expect are not met and we must deal with challenging realities... When who we (personally) want to be and who we are now are still worlds apart, and the vision of what an organization should be is still far from what it is now. How does one fill the gap, or traverse it. How does one continue to run the race set before us? And in what capacity...I am sure there will always be someone to pass the torch to when a runner needs to rest and run another race...
It is so easy to be distracted by fears and doubts, but we must press on and do what we can, with what he have at the moment and make our contribution, however small it may be... we can lay the first bricks and perhaps someone else can take our place who is more capable of building the whole house...still we need whatever we can, however insignificant or small in the greater scheme of things, because we are building the foundation for others who will carry on.
The gap is wide, but every day, in spite that gap in the work and the vision, we must continue to work, because it is the only way to make the gap smaller and we work towards the vision as if it is already here ( a work in progress). How does one not lose hope or give up? always look at the people we serve and remain true to who you are...
learning from our mistakes and doing better every day...keep on walking until we get there. oh boy, it's a long walk... but as certain as the man who walked himself around the globe, we will get there. Every day, take a few steps further... and keep on walking...
(to be continued...)
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