Let me start by acknowledging that it is so amazing that I shall find myself attending 4 scheduled weddings this year, each couple with their own unique love stories. I have to say I am such a fan of love stories. I can listen all day to one! I am truly blessed to witness many of them unfold before my very eyes.
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| in search of love and light |
This week in particular has been quite interesting as a few people have told me about some "complicated" relationships/friendships they found themselves in. As I don't know exactly what to say, I could only offer them a listening ear and an open heart.
It might be naive to say that love conquers all, although in my ideal world it does. In reality though, one faces societal expectations , prejudices and judgement that need to be overcome.
My dear friend's question to me stuck like a glue, "Are you willing to fall in love with someone who is poor and uneducated and not "suited" for you according to the world's standards?" It is a valid question since a person would naturally fall for or get attracted to someone who is of the same "kind", so to speak. But once in a while, one falls for someone totally unexpected, seemingly out of one's league, or from a different race, age, religion and culture, what happens then?
Although, I don't know exactly where the confusion comes from when such circumstances come into play, I do think that the fear comes from the outside. We could be mostly concerned with what other people would say than really being true to ourselves.
As I have had time to think about the question and my delayed reaction is that I go with the argument that it doesn't matter what other people would say. We are responsible for our choices and decisions, and that at the end of the day we have to live with them. As long as we are not intentionally hurting anyone or intending to do something that we know is wrong or unjust, our relationship decisions need not seek the approval of others. What we only truly need is the approval of God and the support of family and friends who truly care and wants the best for us.
To you who wonder what people would think now that you've become dis-"engaged" and in just a few months found someone more suitable for you, I hope that you will feel free one day to express the love you have in your heart. I've seen the story of dis-engagement happen quite a few times and so far, it has always turned out for the best.
I think it is better and more considerate to get out of a relationship that makes you doubt in your gut or makes you wonder if you are making the right decision, than to suffer for the rest of your life and make the other person suffer as well. Can you imagine what an awful life that would be, so much unnecessary pain. If there is any hint of doubt, it would be good to stop and pray.
I believe that those who truly love you really only wants the best for you and that they want to protect you from pain, hence their concern. In the midst of confusion though, you may find that in the stillness of the night, you can listen to your heart speak clearly. You will find the answer when you are true to yourself.
To you who wonder if you you should give your non-stereotype a chance, I believe that we are all created equal and that socio-economic status and other superficial standards of beauty and success are not reliable guides when it comes to answering crucial questions about love. What should truly matter are character and values.
Take away all the trappings, and you are left with a person with a heart and soul. Are you willing to get to know the real person, including his/her wounds and weaknesses? Are you able to connect with the person?Are you willing to take the time to know who he/she really is deep inside? Can you share laughter often and are you willing to carry each other's burden?
More importantly, I am inclined to refer to Scott Peck's definition of love as a wise guide:
“Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity. Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. Love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."
I think the valuable questions to ask should be: Do I care enough about the other person that I am willing to encourage and support his or her growth? Am I willing to give my best to him so that he can become the best person he can be?
"True love is an act of will that often transcends ephemeral feelings of love or cathexis, it is correct to say, 'Love is as love does'.”
Love, true love that is, as you know is a decision made and an action expressed. Love without action (or the giving of one's self for the growth of the other) is dead.
I realize that true love, the kind that we all want, is for the mature. Is there hope for us, when we are all works-in-progress? I believe, there is always hope. We mature as we love. We learn from our mistakes, and we grow. When we enter into a relationship and seek to share ourselves for the good of the other and find that the other person is willing to also work with us as we try to grow ourselves too, then we are well on our way to experiencing the genuine thing. How wonderful that would be, a true partnership that provides encouragement, acceptance and support.
Some have pointed out gray areas when it comes to some relationship issues and we will never know what truly goes on between two individuals and we should always respect other people's choices. If there is any concern that will endanger them, we must speak the truth, but to do so lovingly. Despite the complications of a love life, I believe that true love is crystal clear. St. Paul correctly captures love's light when he says,
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13)
This is the kind of love that can only come from the Source of love itself. It is the right principle to follow for loving relationships, romantic or otherwise. May God help us love true.
A friend once said, "Love (sure) is hard work," that's true, but it is so worth giving all our efforts to; to communicate, to respect, to understand and to trust in order to build a relationship that is more precious than whatever else we may desire.
I believe that love is worth the investment because it is the only thing that lasts forever.
What do you think? Let's talk over sushi!
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| Love is like a sushi platter, you decide what you're going to get and when you do, savor every moment. |
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