Lost and Found

 

Looking back today on the years that have gone before, eye ducts begin to swell. This time around though, they are tears of happiness. I feel so blessed. There were many times in the past when I wondered when the loneliness will end. Aimless, I wandered around looking outside for some love to fill my heart. I made so many mistakes and went through so much pain, most of them unnecessary.

Today, I have a different story. My cup of gratitude overflows.

I want to thank our dear Father for restoring me. For His great love that brought me to wholeness and freed me from all my fears. Today, I feel truly free and complete! The struggles of the past are over and the waiting has been worth it. I feel like a child who just turned one.

I remember the past which my good friend and I like to refer to as the “Dark Ages.” I did not love my self then. The healing was a journey to wholeness taken in tiny steps. But I learned that if you keep moving forward, you will surely get there.

I now recall the wise words of our Savior to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” I couldn’t relate to it before. I thought I was already loving a lot. But I was loving from a needy place. A place that was easily hurt, a place that needed to be loved first.

I had to learn to love my self in a healthy way. And it did not come easy for me because I did not know how. It seems weird I know, but I struggled with the insecurities growing up. I did not trust in my own worth and giftings. Picture a lost soul in a sea and that would likely be me. I had to find my self but I searched for love outside too much.

Today, as I look back on those years, I feel very grateful for the lessons learned and the wisdom they bring.

I have forgiven completely. It has been so effective that recently I was trying to recall some things but could not remember the details anymore. Call it memory gap, but I have truly forgotten. Perhaps, that is why I feel truly free. Forgive and forget, the wise ones say, and it is true. Just like inbox messages all read and trash emptied. I have kept the good memories and now recall the mistakes for what they’re worth, to be able to help another. To give them hope that things can be better.

As I turn a year older today, I thought it fitting to reflect on the beginning. It can be recalled that my name meant pearl. I can relate to the particular journey of the pearl which begins as a dirt inside an oyster. The oyster then covers the irritant with its shiny white protective thing. I call it grace.

God may be molding me into a pearl. I only pray I could be true to the name I have been blessed with.

Today, I choose to keep the faith. Because there is always hope. I have lived this truth in my life. I now love from a place of abundance, from a place that overflows, I can't help but give the love away. Moving on from loneliness to contentment, I am free.

Thank you fellow traveler for walking my way. Heaven bless our path. Keep Moving Forward.

Listen to my Heart's Song: The Journey By Lea Salonga
Thank you to Ms. Anne Weirich for her beautiful pearl painting.