It's been a few weeks since I moved. It's both beautiful and sad. It's like leaving something behind and in a way it feels like dying. But any growth that is deliberate is painful. I hope that it would be all worth in the end. Writing a book, starting a business, preparing to be a good wife, such high standards I have set for myself. Doing the necessary sacrifices to live a happy, full life is not easy but something worth trying.
Sometimes, I forget that I am worth it no matter what, and it's not what I do but who I am by virtue of being God's child. I deserve the best. The reason I want to dream big is to love more. Setting up something that is beyond my own strength needs God's abundant grace.
But God provides, I needed a white board and there was one in my room. I wanted something zen-like, uncluttered space, and sliding doors, I got all that I wished for. It's like a halfway house where I am training to become the woman I was created to be. I am your daughter, Papa God. Please remember me today. It's been a week of tears and I know you just want me to be strong. It's so difficult Lord. Today, I am needing the strength to go on.
I am tired of being someone's option or alternative. For once I would like to be listened to, not the one always listening. I am tired of writing the stories of other people, I would like to write my own. I am tired of people thinking they know me but they don't.
Life is giving me a test and I'm hoping to pass it with flying colors. To hear my Father say someday, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Help me not to settle, Lord. Help me to let go of what's good so I can follow what's best. Help me. I need your grace ever more.
Help me to let go fully and trust You. November is fast approaching, I really hope it's going to be a happy month. Thank you in advance!
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