Jun 28, 2011

A Hundred Million Pieces

Blaaagggggg. I think my heart just hit the ground, breaking into a million pieces.

Last week, I was listening to someone talk about issues of the heart, and it got me very sad. I think my heart broke too. Today, I need to let it go as well.

I know it is cliche to say that things happen for a reason, but it doesn't help a heart at the moment when they are suffering. How do you say that the hurt will  go away someday? What does a person need to hear? What did I want to know when I was hurting too?

...That life goes on because it must. That if you keep on walking, you'll find the sun warming your face again even though you feel cold inside. That the lessons you learned will make you a better person and better equipped at loving the right one. That by letting go, you can hold on to hope of better things to come.

I look to the ground and pick a piece and try to put it back in its proper place. I remember in the past when my heart was badly broken too and I did not know where to begin. Looking back, I thought that pain will never end. But here I am now fully recovered and free, a testimony to the cliche that time indeed heals all wounds.

In my ideal world, love is easy and simple. It is not difficult nor does it have to be complicated. Yes, we must work hard to express it in action. But I do believe that true love is light. It might be a naive thing for me to say but I believe that love is something that falls into its rightful place. I believe that there is someone for each one, and that God knows what's best for everyone. After all, He is the author of love.

I think about the people that I have had to let go because they can no longer journey with me. I realize now that love is not about me but about the other person. About allowing them to be happy in the path they have chosen, letting them be where they want to be.

And perhaps, someday, someone will stay... Incidentally, I was at the airport over the weekend and witnessed again all the comings and goings of fellow wanderers, and found that life is a lot like that. Maybe someday, someone will choose to travel with me where I want to go, wherever that might be. Maybe that time will come for me too and  time will be my  friend.

Like everyone else, I long for a happy ending.

Speaking of which, I am glad to report that I have attended all the weddings I have been invited to this year, with one more left, my cousin's wedding in LA.

I love weddings simply because it reminds me of the triumph of the heart, a time when the heart is at its best, full and complete. I see couples happily embracing a new future together and all the heartaches from before are left behind, the past no longer matters and rightly so.

I love weddings because it reveals to me how people can overcome pain, its shadows, and all the frustrations of relationships that did not work out as well as the many what-ifs and figments of imaginations of what- might-have-beens are put to rest. They have finally found the love that is meant for them. I know it sounds cheesy but it's true. It is beautiful when the heart is victorious and the hopeful romantic reigns.

I look at the bride and the groom and I see how happy they are that they are finally found, that their hearts are in the right place after all the heartaches and pain and the waiting for the time to come. I find tears in the bride not of sorrow but of joy. Because all the letting go and the things that made no sense in the past will no longer matter from now on.

And so I am filled with hope again because true love triumphs in the end. Whatever sadness I feel right now over the what-may-have-been will be offset by the hope of a beautiful tomorrow. God loves me and you. All the hurting hearts tonight can look forward to something wonderful when the heart will be fully restored.

As for me, I will keep walking until then...when there will no longer be a hundred million pieces, but only one finding its rightful place.

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