Love Blue Siberia and Travel, these are songs that make me want to write and also the pensive Morning Star. I am indebted to music for helping me to write and get back on track. Whereas some people get distracted by music, I tend to focus more when I hear one and write better, albeit more fluidly, as if there is rhythm. I guess this is how one art influences another. Writing is more like painting, only with the use of words. Music is something else. It is equally special. It complements my words. It makes me more attuned with my emotions (as if there is not enough of that already!) and provides the inspiration to keep pushing the pen... It is not easy to write and music often is a balm...Perhaps, it's the sense of continuity, the musical landscape that provides the backdrop to what is in my head. I wonder paintings don't have music embedded on them...but maybe there is, you just can't hear them! It is expressed in the stroke of a paint, there is rhythm and rest. How amazing, when two art forms touch. It's something one can't put a finger on...but leaves one free.
Last Friday, was one of the best days of my life. I went on what Julia Cameron calls, an "artist's date" where one goes on a date with one's self, doing things one loves...For me it's nothing grand, just a simple trip to the bookstore...(I discovered one while on my walks, and thought I would go there when I had the time) I found the time finally and I'm so glad I did. I could stay there forever. While I am wanderer, bookstores come close to finding a home...
But I digress! I usually am easily distracted by what's going on around and I have forgotten that I do need time for my self.
Last December was just chaotic but fun. Having to take care of other people, I didn't really have time for my self and was a beautiful mess. I felt so tired, I couldn't wake up early when the only time I'd be able to have time for my self was in the wee hours of the morning. I did feel like a battery being drained. I couldn't really give more than I should. But you cannot really give what you do not have. And one needs to fill up everyday, soak in love or inspiration so that one can
give to others as well.
The first two weeks of January was also spent caring for our volunteers but was glad to have some quiet time but not enough. Last week, my body felt ill and I knew the days of spreading one's self too thin was catching up. I felt like hiding, or sleeping for three straight days...I was lonely. I felt kind of lost..just had to remember who I am...
At Fully Booked, I rediscovered it. A book and a coffee was all that I needed. Michael Gayle's A Brand New Friend (a light reading) and the Vanilla frap was great combination. I forgotten how I loved reading and it doesn't have to be so serious. I remembered who I was. Imagine by John Lennon (and the Secret Dreams book based on his life) reminded me that deep down I'll always be a dreamer, perhaps a hopeless romantic, and an artist. I am a dreamer, but I am not the only one!, so he sings. I do want to do my part in making a better world and it may not even be in the way people expect me to. But no more fears. What has one got to lose? Only regret, I suppose. I have to be true to my self. And I know I always want to be free...to express my self. And not to think of what other people would think or say. At the end of the day, your self is the only one you've got and God. (This is all you need). Still, this is the very self that loves others...Your own vehicle to the world. And when you lay down your head and turn down all the noises in your head...you need to hear that faint music reminding you who you are...
In a complicated world, we are lost. But the truth is simple...contentment lies in being who you truly are...and this is what you share to the world.
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